Learning to Argue Constructively

Arguing? That doesn't sound appealing at first. Most of us prefer to avoid conflicts. But that's exactly what can become a problem, as the participants in our workshop quickly discovered.

Eva Feldmann-Wojtachnia from LMU Munich showed the interested attendees – mostly women, by the way – that avoiding conflict often has the opposite effect: In the end, the conflict only becomes bigger and more hostile.

When good qualities become too much

The presenter brought a fascinating insight: Every positive trait can turn negative when taken to extremes. Frugality becomes stinginess, generosity becomes wasteful spending. Everyone knows this from daily life.

It gets interesting with social issues: Those who trust everyone become naive. Those who don't let anyone get close become control freaks. Finding the golden mean is the art – and this is exactly where constructive arguing comes into play.

Being open while still taking a position

How do these go together? You can certainly have your opinion and still listen to others. The trick is to do both in the right measure. Not everyone feels this "right measure" the same way – and that's completely normal.

Those who know what moves other people and where their sensitive spots are can discuss much more relaxedly. You don't slip into extremes as easily: neither into indifference ("I don't care") nor into know-it-all attitudes ("only I am right").

Why it's worth it

In our society, many topics need to be discussed. Only this way do different opinions and needs come to light. Only this way do good solutions emerge.

The participants agreed in the end: Arguing constructively isn't easy, but it's worth it. Because in the end, we understand each other better – even when we don't always agree.